"you can take what's broken and make it beautiful again"

a letter to my daughter
I wish i always knew exactly what to do. but we don't. and then we have to try and learn from our mistakes. many of which i have made.  one which i realized now and want to share. now that i can see it clearly and or clearer. and if i had to give advice to any other mom. this is what i would tell them.
No matter what happens, and or under what the circumstances may or might have been. this i know for sure. you always have to be there for your children and they need to know that you are there.
this is and will be very hard if you ever have to face this. i did not succeed with this path that i was taken down. ( with my daughter.)  instead of pushing through the pain and all that was against me, i went inward and outward and away. to protect myself to push the pain away.
with our children i feel this is the one circumstance that we are not and cannot do this if we want to keep them safe and emotionally healthy. this is our job just as we provide material things for them we are to provide emotionally for them.
i don't feel that i did this the best way. i didn't know this the way i do know. i can't feel guilty but i can say I'm sorry and i am here for you know matter what. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. there must of been a reason for my story to be this way. this i am not to sure of as of yet. I'm pretty sure that it may have a bit to do with me finding my passion. by reaching inward i was able to find that one of my love languages was giving. to give was a way to express my love with out saying it.
when you are broken it can be hard to communicate, with anyone, we become mute. or atleast i did. everything that i expressed was done without speaking.
through the years i have become better at communicating.  iam able to connect through my words on paper. this is my gift. i literally have held on to this gift and it pretty much defines me now. it is the one thing that no one can take away from me.  and i know that i am suppose to share this with the world.  this is my reason to be here.
as a mother for me i never thought that my kids would not be with me. but once again this was how it was..... i used my passion in place of my missing piece. and i gave it all,  that i was thinking that i should of been giving  the "family" that i always thought i would have.
its ok. there is no measure on how things are suppose to be. only in our heads.
my story is a little complicated but atlas i can write about it and see now and share with others and hope that even one person will be helped and or inspired by me sharing this. i love you. always.
 mom.