quality is better than quantity

you see these two boys? they went back to school today from their summer vacation. gabby did too she is 15. so 15 years ago i became a mom and ever since then i have either worked with my kids or had my kids at home while working. from working at the schools they went too or putting them in swimming lessons that i taught. there was always something with me staying home with them and work that has kept me connected with them.

this is how i wanted it. i could not part from them when they were little.i did not want them in day care , preschools were fine but not an all day preschool it didnt make since to me, and the fact that i couldnt afford it. so i chose to be a stay at home working mom.

now this is different than just a regular stay at home mom. they are both hard but different. different in a way that you have to stay at home and work with your kids and do all the other things like cook, clean, play,etc.

the point of me sharing this is i realized that after having my first two it was very hard to work while they were home, but they eventually went to school. so i could breathe and experience what it was like to work in peace,

then christian came along, he is 4 now and ive done the same thing with him, stayed at home and tried to work. i really didnt have a choice or even if i did i wouldnt of taken it because this is what i do, stay at home with my kids.

i am older now and i have no patience, my anxiety is very bad when it comes to working at home with kids. i absolutely was going to scream if i had to do it for one more day. i realized today that its not the quantity of time its the quality of time you spend with your kids.

all these years i pushed my self to do it because i thought it was the best thing for them but instead it turned me into this fragile mom that cant take any noise or talking or playing. im always working trying to catch up because i dont have long blocks of time and im working constantly day and night just to get it done. where as if i were to put them in a daycare i would have that block of time and everything would be done and i could pick them up and watch a movie with them on the couch. like i did today.

and that my friends is what i learned but guess what, i have to pass it on because i wont be having any more kids and christian starts kindergarten next year so im good. he is in preschool from 8-5, first time ive ever done it and it feels great.

i was scared when they were younger because i thought they were to young and someone would be mean to them and they couldnt tell me, and i just carried in on that way forever it seems.

but when you have to work its different its hard to do both, but i did it and now im a nervous wreck because of it, and im sure my kids did not got the quality time they needed. but we live and learn maybe someone can learn from this thats scared to put them daycare and has a business .
i felt better and calmer today peaceful would be a better word and im sure my kids could tell too...thanks for listening.......