i do have good days. see this is one that i documented.  i was at an art show,  i took christian with me. i haven't really had one since then but i know there is one. right around the corner.  i just have to wait. until then, its the moments.  oh and i should let you know that i too, have bad days and moments. like yesterday was one. and i documented it with some writing.  i tried to write exactly how i was feeling while it was taking place, well after the storm had died down,  the feelings were raw and familiar.  so the words came to me pretty clear.  Being a single mom or a parent in general and having one of those not so good days with your kid, well these are the worst days. to me.

i say
it’s these kinds of days
you can feel the fight
is coming.

they say you can control
how you feel.
but when you are breaking apart
piece by piece
word by word
minute by minute…

your own blood
tearing you apart

is it only me?  i say.
i can do this
i can stand tall

what is left
my heart is gone
but I'm still standing

the voices are loud
but i did feel the arms
holding me
the ones. they say.

it’s not over
it’s never over
it feels

i sit and wonder
while others say
pick out things to be grateful for today

things could be worse
but in this moment
nothing can be worse. i say.

i’ve wanted to disappear
during these kinds of days
when it’s just one 
against the other.

i have to get to other side
it will only get worse
if i don't stand tall

there’s no one there
but the arms
please wrap me up. i say.

my eyes are giving in
the tears have come
but i don't wipe them away

it’s just part of it
it means nothing
because no one can see
behind these walls

accept one. they say.
it’s these kinds of days
that throw us to our knees

it’s these kind of days 
that no one understands
whats happening 
behind these walls.


Sue Allemand said…
Tight HUG! I hope you have more of those good days!

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