The Little Earthenware Dishes

i do have good days. see this is one that i documented.  i was at an art show,  i took christian with me. i haven't really had one since then but i know there is one. right around the corner.  i just have to wait. until then, its the moments.  oh and i should let you know that i too, have bad days and moments. like yesterday was one. and i documented it with some writing.  i tried to write exactly how i was feeling while it was taking place, well after the storm had died down,  the feelings were raw and familiar.  so the words came to me pretty clear.  Being a single mom or a parent in general and having one of those not so good days with your kid, well these are the worst days. to me.
                                                     

i say

it’s these kinds of days

you can feel the fight

is coming.

they say you can control

how you feel.

but when you are breaking apart

piece by piece

word by word

minute by minute…

your own blood

tearing you apart

is it only me?  i say.

i can do this

i can stand tall

what is left

my heart is gone

but I'm still standing

the voices are loud

but i did feel the arms

holding me

the ones. they say.

it’s not over

it’s never over

it feels

i sit and wonder

while others say

pick out things to be grateful for today

things could be worse

but in this moment

nothing can be worse. i say.

i’ve wanted to disappear

during these kinds of days

when it’s just one 

against the other.

i have to get to other side

it will only get worse

if i don't stand tall

there’s no one there

but the arms

please wrap me up. i say.

my eyes are giving in

the tears have come

but i don't wipe them away

it’s just part of it

it means nothing

because no one can see

behind these walls

accept one. they say.

it’s these kinds of days

that throw us to our knees

it’s these kind of days 

that no one understands

whats happening 

behind these walls.