i would hold on only to let go

i feel like I've come to the end of a road, in more ways than one.  I'm now going to have to take a road that i fear to go down. but i knew my time was going to come, because i have feared it way to long.

i hoped and dreamed that i would get lucky and find the love that never went away, its been one two many times that my heart has been crushed. and my tears are just as normal as my smile. my anger is my norm. my happiness has been covered with my sadness, and my love has been pushed out  with the fear of being alone.

everywhere i turn is now just a memory that i fight to put away for now. i feel weak from constantly trying to hold back the pain of losing my best friend. My instinct is to run back into his arms and begin again but my legs won't move, i feel paralyzed from the unhealthy relationship that we allowed to happen.

we didn't love each other enough to keep from drowning in the pain of words that destroy. once we go to that unforbidden place we forget that there is no getting out. things will never be the same. so we try and try again only to stir up the anger that is caused by the resentment that we tried so hard not to repress.  all to only build up to a huge explosion.

we second guess our boundaries and then give them away to the one we can't resist holding on to, only to let go of, in the end. we never got to see the dreams we were suppose to be in. together.

my heart echoes for the love that never goes away.


clarity
fall 2015 collection.

Comments

Sue Allemand said…
Beautiful writing Michelle - but so sorry for your loss! You will see joy again, I know it! :)

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