reflection

i was hoping that the cruise would be time to gather my thoughts and be creative in my writing and get some new designs on paper. ;but instead when i did have quiet time , it wasn't a creative time , i really wasn't able to write like i thought i would but instead i was able to reflect on my accomplishments and embrace them. which for me is something that i do not do. i could feel a force pulling me and telling me that this is what i was suppose to do. it felt really good once i was able to accept it.

i have though accepted who i am and what i have become, for most of us we fight it and try to be more or something we are not, it was not until my 40's that i started to accept what i was suppose to do and who i have become and never looked back.

this cruise was a blessing , something that i was able to do for my family and i have worked really hard and to enjoy the rewards of that hard work is something that has just happened for me. ;i do everything for my kids and probably give them a little too much, ;but from the very beginning i have wanted to have a family and what ever i became i wanted to be able to work hard and give to my family. my business is not just for me it was intended to be ours. but for some reason it didnt turn out that way everything became separate and divided. and even now i dont have my kids all the time so it feels like im working for myself. ;i cant really focus on that anymore i hope one day i can share my life with some one and everything will be one like it should be.

in the mean time what i do and what i give i have to know that i did this and i am very grateful for my accomplishments.... i am proud of myself for once in my life. And last but not least I love you mom. Thank you for everything. You help me more than you know. And if it weren't for you this wouldn't have been as special. xo