life


im not so sure why some things in life have to be so confusing. maybe its just me or maybe not. but when it comes to sharing your life with someone you sometimes have to feel that it may be you. because to me it seems simple from my point of view and very odd that the other half has no idea or reasoning on how or why i feel the way i do. this is very hard for me to grasp. all im asking is that maybe i could be heard and atleast my point of view taken into consideration. but no im learning that the situations that i have created with relationships doesnt work that way. im just completely out of mind and not able to express myself without being or feeling like im in the wrong.

ironically i picked up the book eat pray love at the book store. im so happy when i can relate myself to others and i dont feel like a complete alien. my whole makeup was not made to have relationships or atleast healthy ones for long periods of time. is that something i can just except? especially with kids involved, its like i have to make it work at that point and then it comes to a point of working your ass off to be with someone. wow never thought marriage had to be so hard and complex. some people make it look alot easier and happier.

so if your just reading my blog for the first time its not normal that i right in depth about my personal life but sometimes i can just not help it. this is just me and what my life consist of. a struggle with having a partner. and me constantly wondering is me or is there something wrong with me. why am i this way and why do i do this. its very honest to say that im always soulsearching not just in my career but in life in general it never ends. is this how life is? is there a light at the end of the tunnel is there a point where you soul is satisfied? actually i just wrote that word down soulsatisfying im stunned to think that maybe my soul will ever be satisfied or is it that some souls are never satisfied. if so im sorry for the other half to have to deal with me..........i wish i would of known this before i ever went searching for the other half to make me whole.

Comments

oh sweetie, you're not alone in this quest for understanding. I so understand your thinking that maybe you're not meant to have a forever relationship. I often wonder this myself. While I have been married 16 years (gasp), it is a constant struggle and for those that tell you it's not supposed to be that way, well then good for them but they are not the norm. I think you are understanding yourself better than anyone (other than God) can. Coming to the realization that the only person that can make you whole... is yourself.

sending happy thoughts your way :)
Justine said…
Michelle I can completely understand and hear you loud and clear. I think maybe it is us creative ones who are never really 'heard'. A different take on life, I suspect, makes us harder to understand in amongst daily life.

I too have read eat, pray, love. Pretty awesome! I know some books are really life changing for some people, and have absolutely no effect on others - you draw from it what you need most at the time - but I will tell you I am reading "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers at the moment and drawing an enormous amount of understanding about myself from it. It may be one you will relate to and draw understanding from about your relationships in life, or maybe not, but I highly recommend it. I am reading it in conjunction with 'The Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren - also a very 'loud' book for me - and also a highly recommended read if you need some grounding/ direction/answers. I love it.
Ayhoo enough rambling from me. I tend go on a bit when I find things that work for me.
I hope you find your hapiness

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