okay i thought 2009 was going to be a better year, if there is one thing wrong there is 12 things wrong, im trying to stay positive but its one thing after the other. So I need to focus on the positive i have been doing a gratitude journal at night and writing the three things that iam thankful for. That has been able to help. I do actually turn 40 on sunday, in some weird way years ago i thought at 40 everything in my life would be in place, not exactly happening that way, im more confused now that ever, from taking time off with having christian who is now 2 starting back is like starting over. I only hope that things will get better for me and my family.