brave and scared
I'm not scared anymore, which is why I am starting back by writing, on my blog. Back then it wouldn't have mattered how I worded it, I would have been at fault.
Well anyway now is the best time than ever to start back slowly just doing a little bit of public writing.
I haven't posted anything since shortly after being married. I quickly thought it would be one less thing to get in trouble for.
Ive had some serious stomach issues. I figured things out, but it took me a while. My stress was at an all time high in the bouts of being scared thus causing what felt like ulcers to act up. So i was getting hit hard with food allergies and stress.
My life recently took a sharp turn in Feb. 2019. and since then my road to recovery has done my stomach much better. I've learned not to "push the rope", on 99.9 % of the things that i do.
My mom taught me that saying it just took me until now to finally get it.
So being brave and scared at the same time, not sure where i was brave in these last 2 years, but I'm pretty sure I was. My stomach, the core of my body carries all my stories and pain, so i have to be very careful not to upset it. Most people get there answers from their mind, I get mine from my stomach. Hence why I "feel" my way through life. or i should say I have "felt" my way through- Im changing it up a little now.
So it is very silent and calm now in my mind, body, and spirit. I kind of just sit and stare and wonder- and just remind myself that "tomorrow will be different."
I haven't been scared in a while I guess that was the whole purpose of this blog post.
I hope one day I can talk to other women about their stories. Right now i mostly just read about them. My will to talk has taken a back seat. Ive only talked to family for the last leg of this particular chapter. So at times i literally feel like i have no voice.
I don't know what will happen to me, my stomach, my voice, my words. but i do know that Iam better at writing than talking so......... here we go. xoxoxoxox